• Stacy Ayiers

10 Ways To A Bonded Relationship

When you start dating someone you know if they are your life-long partner or your right-now partner. Sometimes the right now partner can become the life-long partner because things happen. If you want a relationship that is unbreakable, solid or bonded you have to follow at least these 10 simple relationship rules.

Sex- You and your partner have to enjoy having sex with each other. You have to learn each others cycle and know when "too long" is for them. If one person is always complaining chances are your relationship will have issues and may even cause the deprived person to cheat. It isn't something that has to be done everyday but every person's need for it is different, some can go a week, others a month while some need it every other day. This can be a big issue for happiness in a relationship. Try to come to a healthy resolution if you are having issues in this area.


Time- Spending quality time with each other is a huge benefit of building your relationship. You have to put the effort into it like you do other aspects of your life. Working or spending most of your time with other people will never build your relationship. You hear it all the time in failed relationships, "we just don't have fun like we used to".


Trust- Every relationship has to be built on trust. If it starts out as a con or gimmick the relationship will crumble in due time. Trust is the number one reason most relationships fail. One or both don't trust the other person. Mainly because of something that happened in the past or and ongoing issue that hasn't been resolved. When you trust someone no matter what happens in the relationship you feel secure. If you don't trust the person you are with and you don't see yourself trusting them in the near future- you need to ask yourself if you are wasting your time.

Honesty- This is not the same as trust. You have to be honest with your partner and yourself. If you can voice your opinions, ideas and values to this person and be open and honest then you can build a relationship. If you can't then you are not in a two person relationship. You're in a relationship with yourself and eventually the two person persona will fail. Be open and honest and share your visions and goals. If you are headed in the same direction things will flourish, if not then you may encounter some issues.


Equality- In order for your relationship to work you have to have a good balance. One person can not be doing all the giving and the other all the taking. Most likely the person doing all the giving will get tired and want to call it quits. This is true with almost every aspect of your relationship. If you're the one planning all the dates, spending all the money, cooking all the meals, doing all the cleaning and don't feel valued or appreciated this could be an issue. There are plenty of relationships were one person stays home with kids and/or is a stay at home wife or husband. That is something planned, but if you are constantly looking for a job and never have one, can't pay for dates, bills or have time to plan anything important for your relationship, you just go along with the other person they may feel you aren't as invested in their relationship as they are.


Healthy Conflict- Being able to resolve issues without undermining or insulting your partner. Discussing things in a way that allow you both to speak your mind and accept what the other person is saying. You can always agree to disagree but come up with a way to make the other person appreciate your view point and both work towards a resolution on your end that will eliminate the issue in the future. For example, you have a friend your partner doesn't like and they feel you put that person before your relationship. This is a big issue. It needs to be discussed and resolved before it becomes a break-up issue. Ask the other person why they feel that way. Tell them why you feel the way you do and come up with a way to allow you both to feel happy. You don't have to give up being you or your friends but maybe you could plan things with that friend that allows your partner to feel like number one in your life. A good idea would be doing things with that friend when you know your partner will be with their friends. If your partner feels you spend more time with that person pay attention to that when planning events or activities.

Kindness- It is never overrated to be kind to each other. Make comments about how good the other person looks. Say please and thank you. Do something special for them if they had a long week. Be mindful of their everyday activities and try to spend at least an hour together every day so you can appreciate the relationship. If you live together this can be easy if you life apart and have a busy schedule this can be harder. Either way the effort makes a huge impact on your relationship. Send your partner flowers, say how you feel to them often, such as I love you, I value our relationship, or you make me happy. When kindness is given it is received and you can grow together.


Independence- Value that the other person is still another person. Allow them space to be themselves with friends, family or themselves. Some people mediate, and need to be able to define who they are as a person before they can be defined in a relationship. Some people like being in a relationship but don't want that relationship to be their entire life. They work, have friends, family, goals, dreams, and ambitions. Allowing them to be who they are while they are with you allows them to be their true selves. Don't get with someone hoping to change them. Allow them to be who they are. Remember that is why you fell for them to begin with.


Respect- Don't go through their stuff, login to their social media, read their journals, talk bad about them behind their backs or talk to them in a manner you wouldn't want to be talked to. Show them the same respect you want to be shown. A lot of people have issues because their spouse will go through their phones. Trust me when I say that what is done in the dark will come to light. Sometimes it takes longer than others but it does. If you don't trust them then you need to figure out if the relationship is for you. (Read the trust area again) Set boundaries and respect those boundaries.


Responsibility- When you own your own actions and words you avoid blaming your partner. Admit when you made a mistake and the other person will be more willing to trust you and admire you for your honesty. If you forgot to pick up the clothes from the dry cleaner just say "I am so sorry I forgot, I will pick them up tomorrow," don't come up with every reason in the book you didn't do it or blame the other person for you forgetting. Taking responsibility for ones actions is one of the biggest reasons people get divorced, after cheating. Your partner feels they are being taken advantaged of or your unstable and unreliable.


Your relationship is for the both of you so value it and appreciate what you have. When you follow at least these 10 relationship rules you will find yourself happier and they will be happier too. It only works if both people are willing to do them. Love yourself and others will too.



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About Me

Writing has always been my gift. I graduated from Arizona State University in 2010 with a bachelor’s in mass communication and journalism and in 2013 with a master’s degree in criminal justice. I've written four books, blog post and numerous articles for magazines and newspapers.  My blog post are created to inspire, motivate and encourage others to remain true to their heart and go after their dreams. 

"When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen," Harley Davidson

 

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© 2017 Stacy Ayiers -A Journalistic View    - SJ Media Productions