In my head he will always be my husband and I will always be his wife.When I say that people might wonder how am I ever going to move on or continue to grow? Everyone deals with life after death differently. I am just the type of person who still enjoys life and then once in a while grabs my glass of wine, pulls out the old photos and cries about what I miss and what we could’ve had. When I speak about him I still say “my husband” that doesn’t mean I am not open to a new relationship it just means he is always in my heart and will always be the one for me.
Someone told me that I was too young to have already met my soul mate. It made me mad. Then I had to realize that when another person doesn’t experience love, life and living the way I have they will never know what it is like. There is no doubt that in high school I found the man that shared my mind, body and soul. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Now that he is gone I have to live life after the life I thought I would have forever.
I have to admit my moods very often. I am pleasant and genuinely happy one minute then I am angry and secluded the next. The way I deal with lost is different than most. I still want to travel, spend time with my kids and challenge every business idea I come up with but there is still apart of me that wants to hold on to the past and not get further than I was when he left because he won’t be able to enjoy it. I have battled with myself for the past two and a half years. Do I date, travel, talk about him to others, cry, pray, and/or fight daily emotions. After going on about it the only thing I can come up with is to just be me. When I am angry I just have to be angry. When I am sad I just have to be sad. When I am happy it is okay to be happy. The only thing I need to change is I need to start living life without feeling guilty or burdened from my previous life.
The life after life I am going to lead is being around loyal, trustworthy people that have my best interest at heart. Anyone else has to go. This includes family. My mistake is I have always felt that I had to let them know. I had to get my point across and be angry with them so they would get it. Now, today, I am going to take my husbands advice and do all the things God has put in me and only bring the people that are meant to be in my life for my lifetime. If a friend, co-worker, family member or anyone’s season is up with me I am no longer forcing my reasoning, doubts or anger with them. The life after the life I had planned is different, but it will only be better because of the life I had before.