They say you go through about 4 personalities before you finally settle into the person you are as an actual ADULT. As a child you want to have fun, as a teen you become independent, as an adult you learn who you are and finally when you have matured to your age (most likely mid-thirties to early forties) you realize what is most important in life and what you are willing to put on your agenda.
The last blow-up I had with my family I realized something about me. I was putting to much energy into trying to make people (family/friends) believe my morals and values are for everyone. What I think is loyalty, respect, honesty, and dedication may not be the same standards for those around me. Getting angry at someone because they don’t believe the way I do is stupid. Understanding yourself is the only way to build relationships with those you feel are important.
With that said actions have to be taken. Instead of getting upset with people who are not on my level (mindset, ethical values and beliefs) I have decided to accept them for who they are but cut them out of my life (to a certain extent) without animosity. Why would a child hang out with a child rapist? They shouldn’t. That is the same for me hanging out with people who feel it is okay to talk about me behind my back, lie to my face, and/or sleep with the same person I have. Eventually something is going to happen to cause distrust or an argument.
It hurts to realize the people you spend most of your time with are not suitable for your company but once you start changing your circle you will see the changes in your attitude, accomplishments and goals. How can you excel if you are hanging out with people who don’t share the same ambition as you. For example, if your idea of a vacation is Paris and the people you hang around think that McDonald’s play gym is the best place to vacation you may be spending time with the wrong crowd.
I’m writing about this because I feel like I have finally matured. No more getting mad because people don’t have the same goals, think lying is normal and can look me in the eye and smile in my face knowing they just stabbed me the back. As a mature woman I have decided to detach & withdrawal . I have learned that somethings are best unsaid, somethings are best unheard, and being around a small group of like-minded people is better than a club of fake friends/family. At this point I’m living without regrets, arguments and skeptical people in my life.
My husband use to tell me if they aren’t for you they’re against you. No one should straddle the bench and be in your circle. It’s too bad I’m just now realizing life is to short to do anything but enjoy it with people you love and respect. Being blood doesn’t make you loyal and not being blood doesn’t mean you aren’t family.